I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
