Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is wine microwaveable?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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