if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
