He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
