I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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