I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
