how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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