good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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