Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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