I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
