Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
