At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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