You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
