Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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