He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
