you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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