I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
