My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
