I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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