I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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