This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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