i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
