I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
