Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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