I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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