We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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