he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If that was your dad, he is hot
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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