theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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