Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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