Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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