at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize