Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
