Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
