I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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