he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
