I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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