literally had 100 drinks last night.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
