I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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