K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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