I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Small penises have feelings too.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
