I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's get the cat blown out
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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