That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The best revenge is premature balding
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
