So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
