walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
