Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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