I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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