Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
