i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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