Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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