I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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