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so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
