Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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