Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
50% drunk capacity currently
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
