blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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