I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
