I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
