I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
