i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
