She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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