Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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