Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
