dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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