I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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