Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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