I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
