I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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