We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
