u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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