Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
