I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
