So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
