Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
