I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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