Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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