i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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