Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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