wanna go halves on a baby?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
