god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
