The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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