also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
