My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
