I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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