weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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