I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
