I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
