how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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