He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
