i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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