Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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