is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i will never coherently bang her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
