remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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