You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
